Sadokist: 'After the Major, I very nearly quit altogether'

by Colin McNeil, Dennis Gonzales, Josh Bury Oct 15

Podcast video topics and time stamps:

1:58 - Sadokist on his amateur racing career
4:06 - The full story behind getting his race car stolen
13:36 - Dust II rework: yea or nea?
16:28 - Don't ever go back to CS 1.6
28:53 - Which teams will dominate on the new Dust II?
30:03 - Pistol changes and the dualies meta?
1:01:30 - On almost quitting casting after the last Major
1:07:28 - How prevalent is burnout in CS:GO?
1:11:08 - "You have to pay your dues to get the Majors"

It's not easy to make a living in esports. Just ask Matthew "Sadokist" Trivett, caster and amateur race car driver, who told theScore esports Podcast the PGL Major was very nearly his last casting gig.

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"After the Major, I very nearly quit altogether. I even had a sit-down with Henry[G] in my hotel room and just said 'I don't know what I'm going to do.' And I was just really burnt out at that point, really frustrated," he said. "We were arguing with each other internally and I had some sim racing opportunities which I did do a few of them just to try them, lined up and at that point I was just really over-tired admittedly and I kind of just said 'I am on the road so much, maybe I wanna take six months off and figure out what regular life is like again.'"

While his crisis of faith passed, Sadokist said it was important for him to take that step and to examine his true feelings.

"I think it was just patience, I had to just go home and relax and really think about it. And consider sort of where I would go without it and basically, part of saying I was done was to see if I had a reaction to my own opinion. Basically if I said I'm done and then I went home as if i was done, did I think I could do it?" he said.

"And I think that I probably could, but it would be interesting. It would be a grind to go back to the whole photography thing or whatever I chose to do. but yeah, I had to think about it at least, because basically I was getting so caught up in the casting that it was all I was doing and it was all I was becoming and I didn't love that and I was getting a little bit too intense with it I think in terms of the back end stuff, the political implications 'cause it is kind of political in the back-end sometimes. So how serious to quitting I was? I don't know. It definitely was a thought on my mind."

In some ways, Sadokist likened his feelings to a case of Summit Syndrome. The "What-now?" feeling that overtakes some after achieving a long-term goal.

"We got the Major final, and that was sort of the last goal on my list. When I started at first I said 'Okay, I want to do a big LAN international' and then I said 'I want to cast in Europe,' then I said 'I want to cast in Europe, then I said I want to cast a Major.' And then the last goal was I want to cast a Major final, so we finally got that which is awesome. But I put everything into that and I grinded so hard," Sadokist said.

RELATED: Burnout in CS:GO in 2016

While burnout exists in all esports and affects players physically in particular, Sadokist said the added pressure of being a personality and being constantly "on" takes its own toll.

"I think there's a lot of people that get burnt out from time to time and it comes in circles. I just tend to be much like when I'm casting and I'm loosy-goosey or I'm very extreme in my emotions, I'm the same way off air and that goes both ways," he said. "Not just the upside, but also the downside. I'm very self-critical and I can be very hard on myself at times. And I think to put it this way, obviously look I'm not Brad Pitt, I'm not someone like that, but I fully understand. Even the Robin Williams thing. I can understand it from a different perspective because I've seen one percent of it."

Since the Major, Sado says he's taken steps to deal with stress better, including focusing more on his racing career and holding off on a second season of Drop the Bomb TV.

He said that while casters and content creators put a lot of pressure on themselves to constantly attend events and put out material, they do have the choice to pull back.

"We don't have to do all that content, we don't have to tweet. We choose to do that, but then because we do that we believe we have to. That's not true, we can step back. We don't have to do every event, although if we didn't, other people would eventually step in. And I think now that I've realized that and decided to give that a go, I'm more relaxed," Sado said.

However, the question remains, how much does it take to stay on top?

"I guess that's the billion dollar question, could we only do the Majors? Maybe? As long as we did something else to stay relevant, to stay in peoples' mind," Sadokist said. "But that's also unfair to those that are working hard, because one of the reasons I made it to where I am is kind of what Thorin said when I did an interview with him, is I knew I couldn't necessarily be better than anyone, but I could outwork everyone, which is what I did...

"You have to pay your dues to get the Majors. The Majors are a pat on the back for all your hard work."

Colin McNeil, Josh Bury, Dennis Gonzales and Sasha Erfanian are editors for theScore esports. You can follow them on Twitter.